Trying to Call Home
by Kellyyy
Summary: After Lucas lost his dream, he didn't think there would be anything left to live for. All was lost and nothing was left to gain. However, as he keeps going back to that same person, he might just start to realize life doesn't stop when you lose something. LP. AU after season4. Three-parter.
1. I

**Summary: **After Lucas lost his dream, he didn't think there would be anything left to live for. All was lost and nothing was left to gain. However, as he keeps going back to that same person, he might just start to realize life doesn't stop when you lose something. LP. AU after season4. Three-parter.

**AN: **Hello! Just a short story here, only three parts, and it's completely done already so it won't take me too long to put it all up here. It's AU after season 4, but in here, Lucas didn't find out about the HCM in season 3 and just kept playing basketball during season 3 and 4 and into college.

Thank you a lot for reading, I hope you get to like this, and of course, a review would always be nice :) Thank you!

Oh, and every lyric in the beginning/end of a chapter comes from _Maroon 5_'s _Payphone_.

* * *

**I.**

_I know it's hard to remember, the people we used to be  
It's even harder to picture that you're not here next to me_

Peyton's phone started ringing, lying on the table, and as she saw who it was she knew she had to take it. She just _had _to. She had no idea why, because phone calls like this one had done her more bad than good lately, but still, she had to.

"Excuse me, I have to take this. I'll be back in a second." She said politely to the people sitting in front of her. They nodded back politely, even smiling a little, and watched her walk out of her office.

Outside her office, Peyton sighed just a little before answering her phone, "Hello?"

"Peyton? I'm so glad you picked up, I need to talk to you. Things are just… I don't know –"

"You're drunk." She stated, the way his voice slurred more than obvious. She knew him all too well, and he had never been good at hiding things from her. "Why are you calling, Lucas?" Peyton asked desperately, closing her eyes for a split second.

"Like I said, I need to talk to you." He repeated and she couldn't help but notice how tired and well, _drunk _he sounded.

"Funny how you only need to talk to me when you're drunk. But unlike you, I still think it's necessary to work and I have people waiting for me. I'm sorry, Lucas. Call me when you're sober again." Peyton finished, ready to head back to her office.

"Peyton, wait! Please?" He was almost begging and even though she really had to get back, she had never really been able to say no to him.

"Make it quick."

"I'm sorry, okay? I knew I screwed up and things are seriously messed up, but if there is any way to fix it, you _have _to let me know. I… I miss you, Peyt."

It took all she had to not tell him she missed him too. Of course she missed him, but she had learned to go on without him and she wouldn't allow him to mess her up even more than he already had. "You can't fix us until you've fixed _yourself_, Lucas. I have to go now, bye."

She hung up the phone and headed back to her office, trying desperately not to show any heartbreak on her face.

.

"_What are you doing here?" He asked, well almost snapped, as he opened the door._

_Peyton looked him up and down, surprised by his appearance. He didn't look _anything _like the man he had been when she had last seen him. He was a mess; unshaven, unwashed probably too, and apparently he had just put on the first piece of clothing he had found in his house. _

"_Your mom called me." She said after a few moments of silence._

"_Well, she shouldn't have." Lucas simply said and walked back into the living room, though he left the front door open for her to come in._

_She stepped into the house, which hadn't been cleaned in quite some time either, and she couldn't help but be surprised at how different that once oh-so familiar house felt to her. It used to be a home to her, she would walk in and _always _feel like home. She didn't now and she supposed he didn't anymore either._

_Lucas slumped back into the couch, not caring whether Peyton was still there or not._

"_She's worried, you know."_

"_I'm fine. There's nothing to be worried here." He shrugged._

_Peyton let out a humourless laugh, "Fine? You're not fine. You have been sitting in this couch for the past four months, Lucas. You're not taking care of yourself, you're closing yourself off from everyone who cares about you! That is not _fine_."_

"_I'm sorry for not being as perfect as you are. Not all of us are gifted with our very own office, you know." He snarled at her, making her take a few steps back, even though she wasn't standing all that close to him to begin with._

_She didn't expect this. She knew that when Karen had called _her _of all people there had to be something seriously wrong. But she hadn't expected this. There was an anger in his eyes that she had never seen there before and it pained her to see him direct that anger at her._

"_I wasn't _gifted_. I worked hard for my position at the label, you know that. But you can't expect to get things without working for them, Luke. Why aren't you trying?" _

"Trying_?" He scoffed. "Why would I? You said no to my proposal, Peyton, and I thought my world was collapsing around me. But then, I figured, I could overcome that. It'd be hard, but it wouldn't be the end of me. And you know why? Because there were good things in my life. _Really good things_. And then I found out I have HCM and now my basketball career is over. Now what am I left with? Nothing, right? So don't ask me why I'm not trying." Lucas told her, an edginess in his voice that she wasn't at all used to hearing._

"_Don't say that. I know that you're feeling awful, but don't just give up. There are still really good things in your life." Peyton tried talking to him, but instead of letting her words mean something to him, he simply rolled his eyes._

"_You don't know how I'm feeling, Peyton. And you know why? Because you weren't there. You said no and when it all came crashing down, when those doctors told me I have HCM and I couldn't play anymore, _you weren't there_. And I was left to deal with it on my own."_

"_You're not on your own. You have your mom and Lily, and there's Nathan and Haley and Jamie. Saying you're on your own is insulting them, Lucas."_

_He got up from his couch and made his way towards the kitchen, "It doesn't matter. I lost basketball and I lost you. I've lost everything I ever wanted." He locked eyes with her for a second before turning away and grabbing a bottle of some sort of liquor. "You should go, Peyton." Lucas said and took a swig of his drink with such an easiness that it made Peyton wonder if he did that all too often._

_She didn't say anything anymore though and left the house quietly._

_._

"Lucas called today. Again." Peyton sighed as Brooke took a seat next to her. The two best friends were sitting on Peyton's balcony, enjoying their evening after a busy day.

"Really? That boy really needs to learn when to stop, you know. Did you pick up?" Brooke asked, raising an eyebrow at the blonde. She had told Peyton plenty of times that she should just let him be, there wasn't anything she could do anyway, but Peyton refused to just ignore him.

Peyton nodded, "Yeah."

"And?"

"He was drunk."

"Well, that's a surprise." Brooke shrugged.

Peyton shook her head a little, "Don't make it sound as if he's a drunk, Brooke."

Her best friend scoffed, "Come on, P. How many times has he called you now with some drunken ramble? He's either drinking or sleeping these days."

"That's not true. I've been on the phone with Haley yesterday and she said that he's really trying. It's just, you know, hard."

"It's been hard for five months now." Brooke objected. "Look, I care about Lucas too, okay? I don't want this for him either. But you've got to let it go. You flew out there and you tried talking some sense into him and he treated you horribly. He's _not _your responsibility, Peyton."

She knew Brooke was right, of course. When she had been in Tree Hill a month ago she had tried talking to him, more than once, but all to no avail. He didn't want her there, he had made that more than clear. However, since she had been back in LA, he had been calling her and though he _did _often sound drunk, he also seemed to regret the things that happened between them. She tried her hardest to not let him get to her, but in all honesty, he would _always _get to her.

"I know he isn't, but I can't just let it go." Peyton admitted, though she was sure Brooke already knew that. "He said he was sorry and that he wants to fix it. All of it."

"Do you want that? Do you still want for you guys to be together?"

"I don't know…"

"Because you don't _need _him. You know that, right?" Brooke asked. "Look at you, you're a successful woman, P. You're doing great things at the label and you don't need him. He left you in that hotel room more than a year ago and you've learned to move on. Don't let him back in until you're sure."

Peyton nodded, "I'm not letting him back in, it's just… Those phone calls get to me, you know? He says he's sorry and that he misses me and I don't know… I just wish I could believe him."

.

"_Why are you here again?" Lucas asked when he noticed Peyton walking into his kitchen a couple of days after she'd been there the first time. He knew she was still in town, staying at Nathan and Haley's, but he had made sure not to see her. He had actually made sure not to see anyone at all._

_Peyton sat down at the table and looked him in the eye, "I'm worried about you and –"_

"_Please, Peyton." He scoffed. "You're worried? Or do you just feel guilty for turning me down?" He sneered and was too busy with feeling sorry for himself and pouring himself another drink to notice the hurt on her face._

_She composed herself quickly though, and even though she _was _worried, she wouldn't sit there and let him say all kind of things that would only end up hurting her. _

"_Now you will listen to me, Lucas. First off, I _am _worried. Contrary to what you might think, I do still care about you. Secondly, I don't feel guilty and you won't talk me into feeling like that, okay? I didn't say no. I said someday and your reaction to that was leaving. That's not my fault. I wanted to marry you, I did, so badly to be honest, but I also wanted to wait and –"_

"_That's basically a no." He shrugged._

_Peyton sighed, "Could you please just let me talk? The proposal isn't even why I'm here. I'm here because you're being ridiculous and you need to stop. Sitting here and drinking, wallowing in self-pity? That's not you. I know that losing basketball is awful and you don't deserve that at all, but it's not the end of the world, Luke. You can do other things, you're so much more than _just _a basketball player." She finished her speech, hoping that at least something would made its way through his thick skull and as they locked eyes for a few moments, she thought she'd actually succeeded._

_Unfortunately, he looked away before announcing, "Go. Just leave, Peyton. And don't come back. I don't want you here."_

_She was too shocked to say anything back so she just nodded. It wouldn't make any difference whether she said anything or not anyway._

_It was more than clear that Lucas was not going to listen to her._

_So she left. Back to LA._

.

"Hello?" Peyton asked, picking up her phone. It was early, way too early, but since her phone had waken her up anyway, she figured she could at least pick up.

"Did I wake you?" An all too familiar voice asked.

"Lucas?" She asked surprised. Since she had just woken up, she hadn't thought to check the caller ID.

"Yeah, it's me. Are you okay? I'm sorry I'm calling now, I know it's early there." He apologized and much to Peyton's surprise he actually sounded like himself.

"It's okay. It's early there too, though. You okay?"

"I'm fine. I just needed to talk to you about something."

"Sure." Peyton said and sat up in her bed, ready to listen to whatever it was he had to say.

She heard him take in a deep breath before he started, "Okay. I saw Whitey yesterday and we talked a lot and… I realized I've been awful, I mean, I knew I was awful, of course I knew, but I don't know. I'm changing, I can promise you that. I'm going to change and do something with my life and I'm going to get you back, Peyton. I want you back. I'll fix everything."

Peyton swallowed, trying to process what he was saying. This wasn't the first time he was saying things like that. He'd call her and tell her he's sorry and that he wants to fix things quite often. However, it was the first time he actually sounded sincere. "That's the first time I've heard you say something like that when you're not drunk."

"I know, I'm sorry. I've treated you horribly, I've treated everyone horribly. I'm really sorry, you have to believe me."

"I want to. But I don't know if I can right now. Just a couple of days ago you called me drunk saying that you were sorry and that's what you've been doing for a whole month now. I don't know if I can believe you right now." She said quietly.

He didn't say anything for a few seconds and she could imagine him nodding his head at the other end of the line. When he started speaking again, he sounded more determined than ever, "I'll prove it to you. I understand what you're saying, but I'll prove it to you. I mean it this time."

"Okay." Peyton nodded. "So what now?"

"You'll probably won't hear of me for a while."

"That's how you plan on proving that you're serious?" Peyton scoffed lightly.

Lucas was quick to respond, not wanting any misunderstandings, "No, no. I need to get back on track, everything's a mess now, and I don't want to drag you into this any more than I already have. But when I am, when the mess is cleared out, you'll hear of me. I won't give up this time."

"You better not be kidding, Lucas Scott. One more drunk call and that'll be the last one I'll have ever answered." She warned him. And she really was serious. She still loved him, she'd never wanted for them to break up in the first place, but she had also learned to live her life without him and if she said so herself, she wasn't too bad at it. As much as she wanted them to work things out, the last thing she wanted was to get terribly hurt again.

"I'm not." He promised.


	2. II

**AN: **Hey guys! First of all, thank you _so _much for reading/reviewing/following or favouriting this story. I really didn't expect such a great response, so thank you! Here's the second chapter and I really do hope you still get to like this.

Also, I forget to mention it for the last chapter, but the parts in italics are flashbacks. I think that was kind of obvious though.

Thank you for reading!

* * *

**II.**

_Where have the times gone  
Baby, it's all wrong, where are the plans we made for two_

_Peyton switched on her phone, having it turned off during her flight from Tree Hill to LA, to find a couple of missed calls. One was from her boss, but she would return to office this afternoon still so she'd talk to him then. The three other ones, however, were from the same person._

_Lucas._

_She honestly didn't have the energy to call him back, but she had a message as well so she decided to listen to that instead._

"_Peyton? Where are you? I need to talk to you. Haley told me you left, which doesn't surprise me. I'm not really the most pleasant person these days and well, people always leave. That's what you always said, right? But anyway, I wish you were still here. My life is just a mess and I don't know, even though it is a mess, it still feels better with you in it. Just… Could you maybe call me back when you get this?"_

_She closed her phone and ran a hand through her hair, having no clue in the world what to do with that message. She sighed audibly, making Brooke look up at her._

"_What's up?" Brooke asked._

"_I got this message from Lucas while I was on the plane, I just listened to it."_

_Brooke nodded, "What did he say?"_

_Handing her the phone, Peyton shrugged, "You can listen for yourself if you want."_

_Brooke listened to the message, shaking her head and sighing a few times. "He's obviously drunk, you heard that, right?"_

"_Yeah, I did."_

"_Are you going to call him back?"_

_Peyton shrugged a shoulder, "I don't know. Should I?"_

_Her best friend shook her head, putting a comforting hand on Peyton's arm. "You don't have to. He has no right calling you like that, okay? He completely shut you out when you were there and now that you've left he's leaving drunk messages? You don't have to react to that, P."_

_Peyton simply nodded and decided that she wouldn't call him back. However, she couldn't help but feel as if this wasn't going to be the end of it._

.

"So, did you hear from Lucas lately?" Haley asked Peyton over the phone, one of many phone calls between Tree Hill and LA.

"Not a single call." Peyton answered, though she didn't know whether she had to be relieved or worried about the lack of phone calls. He had told her that she wouldn't hear from him for a while, but it had been almost six weeks now and she couldn't help but wonder whether he was indeed getting back on track or whether he was still sitting in his couch, the bottle next to him.

"You don't have to worry, Peyton. He's fine. Really." Haley assured her and Peyton couldn't help but smile a little. It had never been difficult for Haley to read people and somehow she always knew what so say.

"I'm really trying to, Hales. It's just that I know nothing, you know? I didn't hear from him for a whole year after we broke up, well, except for one short phone call, but now, I don't know, I guess I just got used to hearing him so much again the last months." Peyton admitted, knowing that Haley would understand her.

Haley stayed silent for a couple of seconds, as if she was trying to find the perfect thing to say. "I get it. But he's doing this for you, you know? Not calling you. He's doing it for you."

"What do you mean?"

"There's nothing more he wants to do than calling you, believe me." Haley said and Peyton could hear the smile in her voice. "He's working on something, I can't say anything since he made me promise not to tell you, but he's been nagging my head off about it, just because he can't talk to you about it."

"But I didn't _ask _him not to call any longer." Peyton protested. "Well, I did say that I didn't want any drunk calls anymore, but he's not drunk right now, right?"

Haley laughed lightly, "No, he isn't. He's never really been a drunk, you know? He just used it to drown the pain."

Peyton nodded even though Haley couldn't see it, "I know. And I get it. I mean, it's not how I hope to cope with things if something like that ever happened to me, but I get it. What I don't get, however, is why he's so insistent on not calling me."

"He doesn't want you to see him struggle, Peyton. He just wants to be all fixed up."

"But that doesn't make any sense. I'm not going to run just because he's struggling. If I had wanted to run, I'd done it earlier. I wouldn't have awaited a break-up and ugly sneers and accusations and drunken phone calls. I would've run a long time ago." Peyton reasoned.

"It's just… Proud and all of that, I guess." Haley said and Peyton could envision the shrug accompanying her statement. It stayed silent for a few moments until Haley cleared her throat, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How come you're still waiting? After your break-up, you lived more than a year without him, but now… It sounds like you'd wait forever, Peyton."

"I never wanted to break-up." Peyton shrugged, as if it was as simple as that. And maybe it was. "I didn't say no this proposal, I just wanted to wait. I _did _want to spend the rest of my life with him. I still do, I guess."

"Makes sense." Haley simply answered, smiling.

.

_Peyton walked the streets of LA, heading home after a long day at the label. She loved living in LA, she honestly did. When she had first started at the record label, she had been doing mostly shitty jobs, but over time she had proven that she was capable of way more and that was something her bosses hadn't missed. She finally got to do some of things she had hoped for when she was still in high school and it felt exhilarating to finally work with music on a higher level._

_But in all honesty, as much as she loved her life in LA, she couldn't deny that a very vital part of her life was missing._

_It had been almost ten months since their break-up, a break-up she hadn't seen coming and didn't welcome at all, and though she was still standing strong, she also missed him. A lot. She'd been busying herself with work, trying to forget about Lucas altogether, but of course, it wasn't that easy._

_He'd sneak up on her. She would be working with the radio on and she would hear a song that reminded her of him, of _them_. Or she'd be reading a book and come across a line that would so perfectly fit him and everything he wanted to be. Or everything _she _wanted _them _to be. And every single time her phone rang, she'd think it was him._

_It never was._

_As she rounded the last street on the way to her apartment, she heard her phone ringing. She searched her bag for the item as that one thought rang in her head again. _Maybe it would be him this time.

_And then it actually did turn out to be him._

"_Hello?" Peyton answered her phone, her heart beating way too quickly all of a sudden._

"_Peyton, hi. It's Lucas." He said with some sort of easiness, but she could also hear a hidden nervousness, which made her feel just a tad more comfortable. At least they were both a bit nervous._

"_Lucas, hey. How are you?" She asked politely, not knowing what else to say. He was the one who had called after all._

"_Fine, what about you?"_

"_Good. Busy." It stayed silent for a couple of moments then, as if they both didn't really know what to say to the other._

_Lucas cleared his throat then, "Um, I'm actually coming to LA soon. We have a training camp there, but I'll have some free time too. I was thinking that maybe we could catch up some time?" He offered._

"_Yeah, sure. That's… It's a great idea, Lucas." Peyton smiled._

"_Great. It'll be only in like, three weeks or something, but I'll let you know, okay?"_

"_Okay." She answered. "See you then."_

"_Yeah. Bye, Peyton." He replied and Peyton thought she heard a smile in his voice._

_However, they never saw each other in LA. Two weeks after that phone call, Peyton got one from Haley. Lucas had HCM. He didn't play any longer. Peyton tried calling Lucas himself, but he would never, not once, pick up his phone._

.

"Haley, are you home?" Lucas called out while making his way into Nathan and Haley's home. He wandered through the living room and the kitchen until he heard her walking down the stairs.

"I'm here!" She yelled, reaching the last step of the stairs at the same time as Lucas reappeared again in the hallway. "What's up?" She smiled.

Lucas scratched the back of his neck, suddenly seeming nervous. "I got something for you. I'd like you to check it out."

"Oh my God, it's your book! It is, right?" Haley said excitedly, beaming up and down just a little.

He laughed lightly and nodded, "It is. It's finished, I think."

"Great, I'll read it." She smiled at him. "Did you call Peyton then?"

"I just finished this, Hales. I'd like to get this published too. It's not the right time yet."

Haley shook her head, though it quite endeared her too how he wanted everything to be fixed before he'd get back in touch with her. "You do realize it may take a while before you'll get this published, right? I mean, I'm sure this'll be great, but the publishing industry? It's a hard one, Lucas. You need to work for it and have a little bit of luck too and it probably won't happen just like that. And it's been months since you last called. You can't expect her to be okay with all of this and just quietly wait for you to be ready."

Lucas nodded slightly, "Quite some speech there, Hales." He smiled and she couldn't help but let out some light chuckles. "I get what you're saying and I know it's been long, but this is just the way I have to do it. I'll just have to have some faith, right? I don't want to mess it up again, she's too important for that."

"Okay." Haley nodded. "Just… Don't wait too long, okay?"

"I won't." He promised.

* * *

**AN: **Okay, so thank you if you're still reading by now :P I kind of feel the need to say something about next chapter, which will be the last one. I know some of you are looking forward to Lucas proving that he has changed, but I'm not that big on grand romantic gestures and to be honest, that is not how I see LP either. There _will _be lots of LP next chapter, it will actually only be LP, but I guess I tried to capture the essence and didn't go out of my way to make him do these grand gestures, if you know what I mean. I'd hate to disappoint any of you and I guess I just thought it'd be better if I just kind of put that out here already.

Anyway, I really hope you liked this second chapter and I do hope that you will like the last one as well when I get around to posting it!


	3. III

**AN: **Hey! Here's the last chapter of this story and I really hope you'll like it. Thank you so much for reading this story, the response I've gotten was amazing. (:

As usual, flashbacks are in italics.

* * *

**III.**

_I'm at a payphone trying to call home  
All of my change I spent on you_

If Peyton had thought that the first year after their break-up had been hard, well, that wasn't much compared to the last couple of months. It killed her not to know what was going on or when she'd finally hear him again. It killed her not to know how he was doing, whether he was indeed doing better. When they had broken up, that had been just that. He had left and they had broken up and that had been her new reality, something she'd have to learn to live with. There was no going back.

Now, however, she had no clue what was happening. He had promised her that things would change and she believed him, but not hearing him for so long was weighing on her.

She'd considered calling him a few times, but in the end, she figured that he really wanted to do it this way and that he would call her when he was ready to do so. She shouldn't push him. She somehow wanted to, but she knew she really shouldn't.

And so she waited, hoping that he wouldn't let her wait too long anymore.

Peyton was lying in the little park near her apartment when her phone started ringing, disturbing the peaceful silence surrounding her. "Hello?" She answered.

"Hey, it's me. Lucas."

"Oh." She stupidly said, instantly sitting up in her spot. "It's, um… It's great to hear from you, Luke."

He laughed lightly, "You must hate me so much right now for waiting so long."

"Well, yeah, you didn't really make it easy on me." She replied teasingly. "Where are you? You're not calling from your cell, right?"

"I'm actually in LA. I just got off the plane, I'm at a payphone right now." Lucas said carefully.

Eyes going wide, Peyton cried out, "You're in LA?! You're here? You didn't think to call _before _you got onto a plane?"

"Oh no, boyfriend's still with you or what?" He teased, though he did feel a little bad for not telling her sooner.

"Funny, Luke." She replied. "So what now? What're you going to do?"

"I was hoping I could see you. But I don't really know your address here so…"

Peyton laughed a little, "Little presumptuous of you to just fly down here and assume I'll let you into my apartment, don't you think?"

"Thought I'd take my chance." He said, teasing clear in his voice.

It actually amazed both of them how light and teasingly their conversations was. Before, their conversations would be filled with accusations and then apologies and incoherent sentences and both of them not quite knowing what to say. Now though, there were still going to be apologies, they both knew that, but somehow, it was all different. It _would _simply be all different.

"Well, good thinking there." She smiled then and give him her address before hanging up the phone. Peyton got up then, gathering her things and walking the short distance back to her apartment, more nervous than she had been in quite a while.

.

"_Hey, it's me." Peyton said into her phone. "I don't know where you are, or how you're doing. And I… I wish I did, Lucas." She paused, taking a deep breath and wondering just for a second just why she was doing this. He had called her, _again_, but she had been in a meeting and hadn't been able to pick up. When she tried to call him back –something Brooke kept on telling she shouldn't do– it had been his voicemail._

"_I need you to stop doing this, Luke. I know there's a fairly good chance that you'll be drunk when you hear this, but I still need you to listen. I love you. I do, I honestly do. I always will. But I _can't _do this. I don't know what you want from me, I don't know why you keep calling me, but you need to stop. I really wish I could help you, but the way things are now, I can't. You call me and you say things, but you never _talk _to me, you know? I hear you so often, but I have no clue how you're doing and that's wrong. It's not how things are supposed to be, it's not how I think we were supposed to be."_

_Peyton paused again, wiping away that single tear that had made its way down her cheek. She hated doing this, but it had all become just a little too much for her to handle and instead of endlessly talking to Brooke about it, she actually wanted _him_ to know what she thought of it._

"_I'd give a lot to go back to that night in that hotel room, Luke. To make you stop from leaving. To stay together and help you deal with everything. But life doesn't work that way, we both know that, and I'm sick of trying to help you. I can't help you right now. I can't help you until you at least _attempt _to fix yourself up a bit." _

_She swallowed before finally saying the words that she had been wanting to speak ever since she had received that first drunken call,_

"_Just, Lucas… Please don't call me anymore."_

_She never knew if he had heard her message or not. He hadn't called for five days after she had left the message, but then one evening her phone had rung and she had once again picked up the phone to his drunken voice. He never mentioned anything about the message. She'd never had the energy to ask him._

.

She rushed to her apartment, even though she didn't have to. The park where she was at was only five minutes away from her place, there was no way he'd get there before her. Still, she wanted to clean herself up a bit and clean up her place and just try to get herself ready to see him again.

It had been long, too long maybe, since she had seen him and she had never been more nervous.

This was it. If they didn't get it right this time, they never would. She knew that, and she knew he knew it too.

And then suddenly her door bell rang.

Peyton made her way through her apartment and before opening the door, she took a deep breath. She opened the door with a swing, trying to be nonchalant but failing miserably, and was met with Lucas' smiling face. Nervous, but smiling, and it had been _long_ since she had seen him smile.

"You look healthy." was the first thing she blurted out. She bit her bottom lip, feeling just a little bad for throwing that out there.

He laughed lightly though and nodded slightly, "I guess I do."

She smiled up at him, "You want to come in?"

"Sure." Lucas nodded.

She made room for him to step inside and then followed him as he walked into her apartment. He looked around, seemingly surprised by the place. She didn't know what he'd expected, but she figured he didn't imagine the place to be quite so big and bright.

"This looks… wonderful, Peyton. Did you get around to owning the label since last time I saw you?" He joked.

Peyton laughed, "I wish. But yeah, I do have a good position there."

He nodded and as she motioned him to, he took a seat on her couch. "You're happy here, aren't you?" He asked after a couple of moments of silence.

Having taken a seat next to him, they locked eyes and Peyton slowly nodded. "I am. Or well, I think I am."

"You think?"

"It's not always easy to be happy when you have an ex-boyfriend practically stalking you with drunken phone calls." She blurted out and she swore she could kill herself for saying things like that. "God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't you dare apologize." Lucas told her. "I deserve it. I've been pretty horrible."

Peyton nodded and silence fell between the two of them, both thinking about what to say next. Eventually, Lucas cleared his throat,

"Actually, I brought you something." He said, smiling slightly and reaching for his bag. He pulled out something, gift wrapped with ribbons and all.

"You did your best there," She smiled back at him as she carefully unwrapped it. The unwrapped paper revealed a book and Peyton couldn't help but gasp just a little.

_An Unkindness of Ravens_. By _Lucas Scott_.

It was _his _book that she was holding in her hands that moment. He'd written _a book_.

"You wrote a book?" She asked dumbfounded, amazed over what she was holding in her hands.

"I did." He nodded. "It helped keeping the demons away, I guess."

"Is it… Is it published?"

Lucas shook his head, "Not yet. Though I do have a meeting with a publishing house next week." He had sent his manuscripts to many publishing companies, but most of them had returned it. However, this one company in New York had let him know that they were interested in his novel and they'd like to meet him. If everything went smoothly, there was a great chance he could actually publish it.

"What is it about?"

"Everything. Everything I went through, I guess. Basketball, Dan, Keith, things with my mom and Lily, you. Just everything."

Peyton's head snapped up in surprise, "I'm in it?"

"Of course you are."

"I can't believe you wrote a book, Luke." She said, still amazed. He had always been gifted with words, she knew that well enough, and he loved to read, but she hadn't expected him to actually writehis _own novel_. Not now anyway. "I mean, just a couple of months ago it was hard just having a sober conversation with you and now…"

"I know. l made a lot of mistakes and I know that writing a book isn't going to let me off the hook, but I really am sorry. For everything. For leaving and treating you horribly; for taking you for granted; for not being the person you deserve. If I could take it back, I would and –" He wanted to apologize and finally say the things to her that he should've been saying a long time ago, but she wouldn't let him.

"Stop it." Peyton told him, shaking her head a few times. "You were hurt and going through an awful time and I don't want you to think that I don't understand that. You lost basketball, Luke. I understand it."

He appreciated her telling him this, of course he did, but he knew that he hadn't been right in the things he had done and said and he didn't want her to just sweep it under the rug either. "Losing basketball is not an excuse for how I acted, Peyton, and you know that."

She stayed silent for a moment before she slowly nodded, "Yeah, guess I do." They both smiled a little, both not really knowing why. "So this is your project Haley was talking about, huh?"

"She told you about that?"

"Well, she told me you were nagging her head off because of it." Peyton laughed.

"I needed someone's opinion! I wasn't _nagging_." He defended himself, though he was laughing too.

However, Peyton sobered down rather quickly. "You could've asked for my opinion, you know." She said softly. "You really didn't have to wait so long."

"Yeah, I did." He disagreed and took her hand in his. "I hated myself for acting the way I did and I wanted to change _so _much, but I didn't want to make it any harder on you than I already had."

"And you think not hearing of you for months was easy on me then?" She asked, not wanting to sound as if she was accusing him of something, but she also wanted him to know that it had been all but easy.

"I know and I'm sorry, but I couldn't watch myself hurt you any longer." He tried to explain and really hoped that she would understand him.

Peyton nodded, "I get that, but you were on your way back, right? Why would you've been hurting me?"

"I don't know." He answered honestly. "I knew it'd be hard, I guess, and I didn't want you to see me struggle. I know I hurt you through all of this and I wanted to fix it. I guess I wanted to prove you that I was able to fix myself, so I could fix us too."

She smiled softly and closed her eyes to prevent the tears that were forming in her eyes from escaping. "And now you're all fixed up?"

"I think so, yeah. I know now that losing basketball doesn't have to mean the end. There's more to life. Remember when you told me that I still have really good things in my life?" He asked and continued as she nodded, "I didn't want to believe you. I was so convinced that there was never going to be something again that'd make me happy. Basketball had been there when you weren't, you know? After we broke up, the game was still there, and then suddenly it wasn't anymore. But then I talked to Whitey and I started to think and I realized that you were right. I thought I'd lost both you and the game, but then it dawned on me that I actually hadn't lost you. You were still putting up with me. I called you so many times, being so drunk, and you would keep on picking up. I figured that should mean something." He finished with a small shrug.

She smiled again and nodded, "It does."

They locked eyes and after a few moments of silence, he finally said what he'd been wanting to say all along, "I love you. I know that doesn't give me a free pass, but I really do. And I'm so sorry for hurting you."

"It's okay. Lucas, you just called. A lot, but it's not like –" She didn't get to finish her thought though.

"Don't act as if it didn't hurt you, Peyton. You know…" He paused for a few seconds, "You know that message you once left me? The one I really did listen to, but then ignored to acknowledge? I know I was hurting you and looking back, I could punch myself for not stopping. I just didn't think of anything besides myself and I'm sorry."

Peyton nodded and looked him right in the eye, "Now I'm going to speak and I want you to listen and not interrupt me, okay?" She asked lightly and he nodded. "It's okay. I really mean it. I know you're sorry and I know you've changed and it's _okay_. I don't need grand speeches and gestures. It's okay." She made it sound so simple, even shrugging her shoulders a little, and Lucas couldn't help but just stare at her, amazed. "You know, Haley asked me something a couple of weeks ago. She wanted to know why I was still waiting, after all this time. And I told her that I had never wanted to break up with you, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I still do, Lucas. I love you." His eyes lit up and he looked as if he wanted to say something, but she held up her hand. "And whatever there still might be, whatever we still need to fix between us, we'll get it right. And we have time. There's no rush. But I love you and I don't want you to think that I can't forgive you for everything that's happened." She finished her speech and smiled a little and he could only smile back.

He wanted to say something, anything, after all the amazing things she had said, but honestly, there was only one thing he truly wanted to do. He moved closer to her, his free hand moving up to brush her cheek. Her eyes fluttered close as she leaned in and when his lips finally glided over hers, she couldn't help but gasp a little. She moved closer still, freeing her hand from his grasp so she could pull him closer with one hand and wrap the other one around his neck. Lucas' other hand got tangled in her curls, something he used to do so often and still did out of instinct, as his lips captured her bottom one. Eventually, he pulled away, resting his forehead against hers.

"God, I love you." He breathed against her lips and finally opened his eyes. Hers were still closed and she had that peaceful smile around her lips that made him promise himself to put it there as often as he could.

"I guess this means we're back, huh?" Peyton smiled after another few moments of silence as she opened her eyes and green met blue.

He laughed, kissing the corner of her mouth and said, "I hope it does."

"It does." She nodded before leaning in to kiss him again. He laughed a little into the kiss and moved his hands down her body, resting them on her waist. After a while, she broke the kiss and looked up at him, "You know, now that we both know we love each other and all, that doesn't mean we don't have to talk though."

"I suggest you read my book first before we talk further. And actually, I was having a perfectly good time just kissing you." He teased, pulling her closer as she laughed and he couldn't even remember the last time he had heard her so happy.

"I bet you did," She replied, smiling contently, "but I don't want to rush into this just to mess it up again. This is it, Luke, and I want it to be for the rest of my life."

"It will be." Lucas assured her. "I'm going to love you forever and I'll make sure that you know it every single day of your life." He promised.

Peyton smiled widely, knowing that there were still things they needed to talk about, but feeling perfectly happy just being there with him now. She knew it'd still be hard sometimes, she figured they both knew that, but she also knew that it'd be more than worth it.

_If happy ever did exist  
I would still be holding you like this_


End file.
